this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
