His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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