are you so shy because you have an std?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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