Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
