sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
