Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
