Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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