Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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