I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
