Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
