I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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