I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
did you just send me my own nude
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
