why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
