Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
