There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize