She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
