He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize