she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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