This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
