it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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