i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
smell my finger.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize