can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I need moral support for this bender
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
