Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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