Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
