it hurts more in the daytime
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
