I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
