So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
