dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm both gender and math confused
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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