you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
