And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
