do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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