I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
