D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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