I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
