never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
