Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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