A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
