i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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