Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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