xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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