i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
