its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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