My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
