i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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