i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
