Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
