Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is wine microwaveable?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
