i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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