yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
