Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
