Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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