Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
