Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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