For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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