She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
