'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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