sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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