i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
