My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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