And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
