I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
