Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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