I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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