did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
