Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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