I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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